LIFE IN THE FISHBOWL

July 18, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / Leave a comment

I have a term for the life of ministry. I call it “life in the fishbowl.”

This life has many benefits: It offers flexible hours; It is never boring; It helps me keep on top of the spiritual disciplines; It has the potential to create healthy and long lasting friendships based around more than just work; There is an experience of the supernatural and transcendent that no other vocation offers; There is a level of respect and admiration that is gained by serving a community out of this lifestyle.

But there is a cost as well. One of those costs is “life in the fishbowl.” The life I live I live largely in the public eye. Much of who I am and what I and my family do is up for public inspection and comment. It is a fact that is true for every person whose vocation is in the public arena: entertainment personalities, political figures and clergy.

I have lived in the fishbowl for such a long time now that many times I don’t even pay attention to what people are watching. And like most fish in fishbowls I have found my places to go when I need to be “by myself”. I know how to create boundary space: Send calls to voicemail, stay away from e-mail or Messenger, hide in the Vicarage or in my room.

Still sometimes living in the fishbowl it is hard to know when I should be going to my private space or when I should be letting people see me in all my glorious triumph and ruination. I struggle sometimes with how much of my victory to share and even more how much of my pain to share. I don’t think I am alone in that struggle. I just think in my position it takes more work to hide both triumph and trouble so perhaps for me it is a more intentional hiding, when I do hide.

HOW MUCH OF YOUR LIFE DO YOU KEEP UNDER WRAPS?

SHARE YOUR WORLD FROM JUNE 24TH

June 28, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / 2 Comments

I am a little late to the table this week, but here is m response to PENSITIVITY’S SHARE YOUR WORLD CHALLENGE FROM JUNE 24TH.

My answers below and then you can click the link above to see how all the other contributors answered.

What do you miss most, if anything, about your school days? I miss the innocence and hopefulness of those days. I feel like we have lost something over the decades since my school days. Maybe it is just me that has lost it, but life seemed a lot less complicated and scary back then.
Did your school have its own sports field or swimming pool? We had neither of those things. I can remember watching football games from the borrowed field of the local private school and swim team practiced at what is now the local YMCA public swimming pool.
What was your favourite day on the school week? I liked school on the whole. I found learning an exciting pass time. But I think my favorite day was Friday because it was pizza and peanut butter sandwich for school lunch.
Did you have one teacher for a variety of subjects, or separate teachers for each? In elementary school (primary?) we had one teacher for everything, but once we reached Jr. High and High school (secondary school for those of you across the pond?) we had different teachers for every subject.

GRATITUDE: I have had lots of time to play in my little forest garden this week.

FEELING LIKE AN ELDER

May 22, 2024May 22, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / Leave a comment

I remember the first time I felt like an adult. I was thirty-five. I was married and had three teen-agers, but it was the first time I actually felt like I had moved from childhood into adulthood. I couldn’t find a rhyme or reason for why my mindset suddenly changed back then. Honestly, until I suddenly felt like an adult I didn’t know I didn’t feel like an adult. For the most part I was acting like and adult. I was paying bills. I owned a house. I was working hard. But not until I was thirty-five did I realize I had the position of an adult… the authority of an adult. It was the first time I felt like I was ready to take on life. The first time I felt like I could take on life and life didn’t just have to happen to me.

Something is changing again. It is just as strange and unexpected this time as it was when I was thirty five. This time I am moving from adulthood into feelings of being an elder.

Maybe it is my mother’s passing, maybe it is that I am entering my fourth year as a lead pastor, maybe it’s that all my grandchildren are now talking and the last of them is potty training, maybe it’s that the children of the children I had in nursery Sunday School are now getting ready to graduate, maybe it’s a lot of things, but I am beginning to feel old. I am feeling these days like an elder.

I guess I am one. There is more snow on the chimney now than soot. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my energy level. I feel it like a new power in my soul. There is weakness in it…and strength.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I am feeling my age in ways I was told to expect (but refused to accept). I can’t seem to do what I once did as easily as I once did it. I feel weaker, but I also feel a new kind of strength, an assurance, a wisdom, a grace I have not had before that makes me feel that I can do just about anything. I just have to begin learning how to do it differently and maybe a little more slowly.

So how about it? What advice would you give to this new old guy?

THE TRANSITION WITH GRIEF TO THE NEXT IDENTITY

May 10, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / Leave a comment

I started this blog yesterday. It was originally called “So Here It Is Thursday…”. I began by talking about how I felt so ashamed for not reaching my goal of writing on “Notes From the Vicarage” daily since my mother’s passing. I listed my excuses and then laid out four steps I was going to take to correct the issue I have been having with writing.

It was a pretty good blog about how to prioritize writing….or really anything important.

I didn’t get to post that blog because I had a coaching session with my life coach that began just before I could hit publish. Now having had the night to sit and think on it I am glad I didn’t publish it.

I do believe there are habits I need to develop and tweak to become more effective, for sure, but I realized as I was thinking about my writing problem that this is more than a habits issue. It’s a grief issue and an issue of transition.

Life has changed for me in a big way, and I am not intentionally clocking that most days. I was Mom’s primary caregiver for the last decade of her life. Her needs factored into everything I did, including ministering and writing.I didn’t choose it. Caregiving became part of how I identified myself as a human being. It became a part of my fingerprint.

…and now I realize I need to give myself a hot minute to figure out how everything in life works without Mom to consider. Before I didn’t write daily because I was busy helping Mom and ministering. Time was not on my side. Now, as I approach the computer I wonder “What do I have to write about?”

I know it is not true, but it feels like the interesting parts of my life are over. That right there, is the power of sneaky grief. I have seen it in others and now here it is manifesting on the inside of me. It is strange. It doesn’t feel like sadness. It’s not anger. It’s not denial. It’s certainly not acceptance. It feels like….hesitancy. It’s like that moment when I was a little child meeting someone new, and all I could do was hide behind my mother’s skirt and suck my thumb. But this time the person I am meeting is…me!

STAYING HYDRATED

March 14, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / 4 Comments

One of the things I have not talked too much about this year…or ever really I guess… is my weight loss journey. I have been on it for over a year now; so far I am further away from my goal than when I began.

I chalk that up to my current stress situation… Strange sleeping hours and weird eating schedules coupled with not enough water and a lot of emotional eating as well as eating the easiest thing to grab (like McDonald’s or pizza from my fav local pizzeria).

I realize life could stay like this for a while. I am now at the point where my belt doesn’t even fit comfortably.

I bought some suspenders the other day to get me through this TEMPORARY season of life.

I know I have to make some decisions that will get me going in the right decision, even if they are really small ones. in fact from my recent studies, I know the small maintainable decisions are the most helpful types of decisions, when trying to make significant lifestyle changes.

The small change that I am making today is to hydrate everyday. Specifically I am going to drink eight 8 oz. glasses of water everyday.

In order to do this I am going to stack my new water drinking habit with my well established prayer habits. I pray eight times a day…so now I will just add a glass of water to each prayer time.

From previous experience, I know that even small changes take a little while to turn into consistent behaviors…so the journey begins!

HOW DO YOU MAKE LIFESTYLE CHANGES?

Clump

March 2, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / 3 Comments

This week I am participating in Linda’s STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS SATURDAY CHALLENGE.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a particular subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

THE WRITING PROMPT FOR THIS WEEK IS THE WORD….CLUMP

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

“CLUMP”. It is such an unattractive word. I am almost afraid to write about it for fear of what ugliness will come out. Mostly… I hate clumps. They are unattractive lumps of nothing usually having no purpose other than to be taken over by some outside force and having to be dealt with severely in order to restore…well…order.

Case in point my yard. It is full of clumpy things.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain beauty to my clumps, a certain wildness. The woods and the brush pile have attracted loads of song birds and the rock pile is home to a cute little family of chipmunks, but all the clumps make me feel a little out of control, if I am honest.

Here’s a confession, I am afraid of what I will lose if I get rid of my clumps. Wait! that sounds like hoarding talk! Am I hoarding my outdoor clumps? Maybe a little….Maybe it is something I have a mental block about, as bit of an avoidance disorder in the making. It does make me wonder why I keep from fixing the mess outdoors. I keep saying I have been busy, but I think it might be more than that. Maybe I stay busy so I don’t need to deal with the “clumps”…. is it for comfort?…is it for control? I am going to have to consider this.

DO YOU LIKE CLUMPS?

ADDING SOME LIGHT READING

February 3, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / 2 Comments

Back in the days of that other lifetime before being lead pastor I was posting up to four blogs a day, and I was reading a lot of blogs as part of my involvement in the blog community.

I really enjoyed it, but when I took on my current position, I went from four blogs a day to one blog a day done as a video devotional thought for my congregation. I also gave up almost all reading of anything other than essential business material. I missed the community, but couldn’t find the time.

This year though something has shifted…not so much in my schedule, but in my ability to organize myself. Maybe it’s just that I have finally hit my stride.

So as part of my New Year reevaluation and commitment renewal, I decided to try venturing forth into the blogosphere once again. I made a decision to start doing one NOTE FROM THE VICARAGE in addition to my daily devotional each day. It’s taken about a month but I am now blogging a NOTE everyday.

This week I am adding some light reading of blogs back in to my regimen.

Photo by Vincenzo Malagoli on Pexels.com

I have decided I will start by reading all the other blogs connected to my weekly community challenge on Saturdays.

IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF A BLOGGING COMMUNITY, HOW MANY BLOGS DO YOU READ EVERY WEEK AS PART OF YOUR COMMUNITY WORK?

GETTING ON THE GOD PAGE

January 28, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / Leave a comment

A few years ago I actually toyed with the idea of moving wholesale into professional writing. It didn’t turn out quite the way I thought it would. I ended up walking away from writing completely because of the demands of ministry.

I thought I probably would never write again. I actually tried to pick it up again several times.I just couldn’t make the writing commitment and keep up with the call of the church. I contented myself with writing a few family blogs every month or so, and the daily devotional video, but the life of stories became a thing of the past.

Lately, the desire for story has returned. I don’t really know where this will lead, but I am taking my word for the year, “PREPARE”, in hand.

During the 21 days of fasting and prayer I PREPARED a blogging plan for the next year along with the next year’s preaching schedule.

It is not God’s way to give us the destination before we start on the journey. He only ever gives us the first step with clarity the rest is just “looking through a glass darkly” to quote the apostle.

SO, as I come out of the 21 days of fasting and prayer, I am committing to get on the page God has given me. I am beginning with the blogging plan and let’s see what develops from there.

WHAT IS DEVELOPING IN YOUR LIFE AS YOU LAUNCH INTO THE NEW YEAR?

2024 Day 8… Keep Making Stories

January 8, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / Leave a comment

It is a universal truth that we humans come from stories and we are moving into story. All of our lives are made up of the mingling of many stories. We are books that tell of the intersection of lives and the conflicts and wonders those intersections create.

You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed. Psm. 139:16

I have noticed this common truth about the people I have worked among, that life flows from the stories we tell ourselves and each other. We live until we stop telling our stories. We grow until something comes along which causes us to stop making our stories before ourselves and others. As soon as we stop adding new chapters to the book of our lives we begin to die.

There are signs that we have stopped the authoring process. When we decide that the story is done, when we decide there is nothing more to add we stop trying to make more story and we just begin rereading the story that was. We begin to live in the past and only the past.

We can live a long time with just the past, but we can’t create new chapters from it. The future is not in the past and neither is life.

If we look back long enough even those stories we once knew so well, become lost to us and then only the stories other people tell us remain.

One of the great dangers of our society today is that so many people who should be making stories are just sitting and watching other people’s stories. It is one thing when a ninety year old stops telling their story. It is quite another when a twenty something gets so wrapped up with Facebook or Twitter or Instagram that they stop telling their own story.

I guess this post is an encouragement to people of any age. One of the great keys to life is to not let anything stop you from adding a new chapter to your story. Whatever is happening to you…around you don’t let the roadblocks stop you from adding something new to the book of your life. Keep making story. Keep living!

WHAT ARE THE ROADBLOCKS TO YOUR NEXT CHAPTER? HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THOSE ROADBLOCKS INTO THE NEXT DEVICE THAT PROPELS YOUR STORY FORWARD?

2024 Day 4…Missing Day 3

January 4, 2024 / joseph elon lillie / 2 Comments

Tuesday is the end of my week. Wednesday is my Sabbath. I am still trying to figure out what Sabbath should look like in my life. It is a day of rest, but more than that it is a day of a different rhythm. I am fighting with myself to figure out whether writing is part of that different rhythm. Is it work? Is it relaxation? Is it work that relaxes me?

Anyway, yesterday I tried the day without writing (although I still did my daily video for the other blog so I am not sure it was really a good test). I like writing. I missed it, but honestly, I was so tired I am not sure I had the brain space for it anyway. Even my prayer and Bible time were spent mostly in a staring stupor.

I was in the Book of Deuteronomy so I am not sure that helped either.

But the real weariness came from my “busy days of ministry ” Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.” Sunday is my preaching day. This week I preached us down a rabbit hole which is always more exhausting than sharing direct from the notes.

Then of course we had our NewYear’s Day celebration.

Monday I led an hour of worship at The Worship Room.

Tuesday was staff meeting and then Royal Rangers, boy’s ministry.

My end of week is filled with awesome ministry, but sometimes it does feel like this.

Yet another reason for me to lose some weight and get in shape!