ON FEELING LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING

Today, in PRIME PRAYER, I felt impressed by God that I was to start looking at myself and my life through a gardener’s lens. You may remember that, just the other day I wrote a piece in which I confessed that it has been a good seven years since I had worked on the forest garden around the Vicarage. In truth, the forest garden at my home has been neglected for much longer than that.

When my family first moved to The Vicarage, back in the 1970’s, we didn’t own the little parcel of land to the left of our home. It was a wild patch of woods that came up almost to the edge of the house. Out back of the house, the yard was dominated by a giant weeping willow the top of which overshadowed the roof of the Vicarage. At night the willow’s whips would brush against my window panes giving me fits of fear. The Japansk was growing out of control all around the house and close in. Some of the bushes were as high as the second story windows.

When my father acquired the property next door in the late 1970’s his remedy was to clear cut the whole property. He removed the willow and most of the trees out back and he turned the forest next door into a field. I was so disappointed because I was already an avid birdwatcher by that time. In one day, the birds around the Vicarage, the squirrels, the chipmunks all lost their habitat.

While my father took down the trees and even stumped the property, he didn’t deal with the roots of roses, raspberries or blackberries. And that was the last time he ever really tended the property. He had good intentions. He just got busy with his business. The stockade fence he bought to surround the house lay out on the side of the Vicarage until it rotted away. The field regrew into a thorny hedge and once again into a dense forest. The animals came back again (well except for the flocks of evening grosbeaks, they seem to have left our state completely).

My father passed away and my mom who hated the outdoors as she aged just kind of let the whole house go. Then I moved back in after my divorce and the work began. It’s been a slow work, but we have made definite progress. We have now addressed most of the serious structural issues with the Vicarage itself. Now its time to look at the forest garden.

It is interesting. My first years in the Vicarage and as lead pastor of the church have been spent dealing with some rather large structural issues (roof, sills, plumbing, bathrooms, floors, siding). Likewise, our congregation’s first order of business when I became lead pastor was to replace the altar space and the ancient rug in the sanctuary. Then, we had to address the parking lot which had become largely unparkable. Finally, we had to address a plumbing issue we lovingly referred to as “the stink”.

I am no builder. The idea of me being a renovator or fixer-upper is actually laughable to everyone who knows me. I have spent these years feeling out of my depth… like I don’t know what I am doing. I have had to rely on others to tell me and direct me in what I didn’t know. I am thankful for those God has sent to help me over these years.

As I begin working on the forest garden. I realize I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know what I don’t know. As I begin the next steps of leading the church I realize I don’t know those next steps. I don’t know what I don’t know. And so just like I did with the house and the church in the beginning I am turning once again to the experts. For the garden I am beginning with this book by Dani Baker. For the church I am turning to the Lord in prayer and I am asking the congregation to join me in these prayers as I approach my upcoming sabbatical which is only nine weeks away, and I am connecting with my spiritual presbyter to find a mentor through the sabbatical process.

I am confident of this. I may not know what comes next for The Vicarage, the forest garden, or the church. This is a moment of many unknowns. But I serve a God who has known the answers for this time from before there was time. I will follow Him and the ones He sends to help, just like I did before. All is well, and all manner of things are well, and all manner of things shall be well!

Let the adventure begin!

You Know It’s Spring When…

THIS POST IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO DAWN’S FESTIVAL OF SPRING 2024 WEEK#8. You can see all the festival contributions by clicking that link.

You know it is Spring when all the churches have their “All Church Spring Cleaning Gathering.”

Ours was today, and the congregation showed up!

We planted the front prayer garden.

We trimmed the bushes in the front and on the sides of the church.

We power washed the North side of the church and the back deck getting that ready for sealing.

We raked the playground.

We put in some base board.

We sanded the men’s bathroom getting it ready for painting.

We Spring cleaned the children’s closets.

It was a very productive Spring cleaning.

LOTS OF REASONS

I have been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately. One of her statements, in particular, keeps coming to mind. “There are lots of reasons to go to church, J. It’s not always about God.”

Photo by Michael Morse on Pexels.com

Now…God is the reason the church exists. He is the center of it all, but my grandmother was not wrong in her assessment. In and through the church God provides many things that are essential for life. One of those things is community. For most of my life and ministry, I have downplayed the need for community to my shame.

This week we met with a hospice agency for Mom’s care going forward. Truth be told, I have been pretty stressed out, grieved and weighed down by this. In spite of all that I am doing OK…because of my family and my church community.

During the course of ministry, I have had the opportunity to meet many people who do not have the benefit of healthy family or community of any kind. They often come to the church in an hour of desperate need because they have no place else to turn. It is not that they have relationship with us at all. They come to us because they have no one else to turn to. Often by the time they reach out to us there is little left we can actually do. I often think though “If only we had known them when the issues were smaller, we maybe could have helped.”

Photo by Guy Kawasaki on Pexels.com

I will be the first to attest to the fact that church life is not perfect. Our communities, all of them, are imperfect. BUT…I can say with certainty that my life and my family’s life is stronger because we have been part of this church that we minister in and have been ministered to by. My family is strong enough to see Mom through this season of her life because we are part of the church and have our faith and our community to draw on. This is hard, but we will walk through it and come out stronger on the other side. I can credit the church community for the health of my family. I can credit the church community for the health of my spirit and mind.

This morning one of the men in the church reached out to me, as a friend, offering to help in anyway he could. He did that because I am a part of this community.

I cannot imagine facing this gauntlet, called hospice, without the wonderful tribe God has placed me in. There are lots of reasons to go to church. Knowing God is perhaps the most important reason, but a close second is the power of community.

This Day At the Vicarage 9-15-20

It has been a busy week at the Vicarage. I guess the pace really picked up last Friday. As Brenda had her first full day at the apple orchard, I performed a funeral and then mowed the lawn at our local art gallery. Meanwhile, Amanda did her on-line children’s church lesson and prepped for Sunday.

Saturday was church clean up day. About twenty of us raked leaves, pulled weeds, dug up saplings and cut down a few bigger trees.

By the time Amanda and I got home from this we both needed Motrin and a nap.

Sunday of course was church. After service one of our congregants had a medical emergency. Thankfully a family from church was able to get her to urgent care. Afterwards, while the family got the lady settled back into her home, Amanda, Brenda and I took a trip to the pharmacy to pick up the meds she needed and brought them to her house.

The last two days I have been out to this dear lady’s home to help her with groceries and banking. Today we went for a follow up to the Dr. The report was that the Dr. wants to check in with her again in another week so…..

Cheshire Medical Center | D-HH Locations | Dartmouth-Hitchcock

I have a feeling a few of us are probably going to be spending a lot of time here in the next few weeks.

In the middle of this time several of my posts have begun to require a bit more time to create. It’s a good thing, but I am finding I am falling behind in my reading of other blogs.

Frowning Face Emoji (U+2639, U+FE0F)

Oh well….Life is all about the seasons. God is the author of each one and we must accept them as they come. It is our job to learn how to utilize the different blessings each season of life provides.

This season is really changing how our church operates as a body. We are deepening the sense of family we have. We are becoming more important to each other. We are learning to be together in new and deeper ways. We are learning what it means to be a people of faith, hope and love.

It seems these lessons should have been learned a long time ago. Maybe the theory has always been there. Now we are being forced to put the theory into practice. It feel like the New TEstament is becoming very real to us right now.

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The Lord is doing good things!

I cannot wait to see what tomorrow brings Dear Friends.

Pastor J

Born and Bred Pt. 1

I was looking at my feed history just a few minutes ago and it strikes me that I haven’t really updated you on life at the Vicarage since August. So much water under the bridge since then!

Brenda and I went to Florida where she attended General Council and the World Missions Summit, while I vacationed.

Then Brenda went on a brief Sabbatical, for her health, in the fall. During that time things began to change for my mother. Dementia has taken a much stronger hand in her life and we have had to make some choices as a family.

I am working more from home now and shifting focus of ministry. Even the church has entered a new phase of its life and the leadership of the church has had to embrace the idea of reinvention to move into the future. That has caused much consternation among the old guard of the church. As one of the few originals of the church left ( I have been there since the founding) I know that the choices we are making are the right ones for the church, but it is still painful saying good-bye to old friends.

I have my marching orders from the Lord and I am determined to see them through…No matter what.

In the midst of all the changes and all the happenings stands this old homestead, The Vicarage. It has stood for a hundred and thirty odd years and has stood a silent witness to this little town through many more changes than I am facing right now.

Somehow that knowledge is comforting. There are things that stand the test of time. Things that are not as easily shaken as the moment. And there is ONE who will never be shaken by anything at all. I am reminded as I write tonight that He is my foundation. I shall not be! I shall not be moved!