I have never been good at going to the doctor or the dentist for my yearly appointments.
I actually lost my last doctor because I did not keep up with my yearly physicals. I don’t know about your part of the world, but in my part that is a cardinal sin of the medical health system. I always told myself I was just too busy to go to the doctor or the dentist.
Two years ago I told myself it was time to make a change. I needed to start taking better care of my health….
I applied for a new primary care physician and I made an appointment. It got put off a few times which I was fine with. When I finally got to have the appointment the nurse practitioner ordered a bunch of tests. One was a colonoscopy. I made the appointment and failed to show up for it not once but twice. I just freaked out and couldn’t make myself go out the front door. I told myself it was just because of that particular test, but then I failed to get simple X-rays done. I told myself it was just that I was too busy.
Then Mom got sick. I told myself she had to be my focus, so I cancelled all my doctors appointments. I picked things back up in August with a visit to my PCP (primary care physician). She ordered more tests of course. She modified the colonoscopy to COLOGUARD which I managed, but the new test was a cardiac MRI.
I thought I was good with it. I set it up. Then the day of the test, which was yesterday, I totally blocked it from my mind. I went to bed the night before knowing I had to be out of the house by seven for a seven thirty call. I was up in time, but I just went on with my morning chores like a normal day. It was noon before I realized I had missed the appointment.
I think I have to come clean with myself and admit that I have a major case of WHITE COAT SYNDROME which I have been hiding from myself for years. It’s not just busyness or forgetfulness or shame. It’s fear!!!
I broke two teeth a while back and finally went to the dentist when it started hurting. I now need oral surgery to have two wisdom teeth removed and a molar.
I think this one will be OK. I am going to need a ride there and back so I will have the kids hold me accountable, but the rest of this fear I am not sure how I will deal with. It’s getting rather inconvenient.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE LIFE CONTROLLING FEAR?
Notes From the Vicarage 
I feel for you. this is perhaps the first thing you should discuss with your doctor.
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Thank you Basia. Yes now that I think I have defined this thing it is time to start getting to the bottom of it. I want to be able to go to the doctor without fear. I certainly don’t like feeling like this fear can hijack my will and make me forget appointments subconsciously. That really rattled me.
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the subconscious does many things to sabotage our lives. I remember when I was at university i slept through many alarms because i did not want to go to particular lectures. The worst time was when I missed the coach to go away for a week with my fellow classmates. i realised later that I was absolutely terrified of going though I managed to hide it from myself by being superficially very excited. But you can overcome the white coat syndrome, and the best people to help you are the ones in the white coats. Go. make the appointment. Promise yourself a lovely reward. The nuns at school used to say virtue is its own reward. But we sometimes need a little more!
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I agree. I am going to seek some help in this arena.
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