#reality
THE TRANSITION WITH GRIEF TO THE NEXT IDENTITY
I started this blog yesterday. It was originally called “So Here It Is Thursday…”. I began by talking about how I felt so ashamed for not reaching my goal of writing on “Notes From the Vicarage” daily since my mother’s passing. I listed my excuses and then laid out four steps I was going to take to correct the issue I have been having with writing.
It was a pretty good blog about how to prioritize writing….or really anything important.
I didn’t get to post that blog because I had a coaching session with my life coach that began just before I could hit publish. Now having had the night to sit and think on it I am glad I didn’t publish it.
I do believe there are habits I need to develop and tweak to become more effective, for sure, but I realized as I was thinking about my writing problem that this is more than a habits issue. It’s a grief issue and an issue of transition.
Life has changed for me in a big way, and I am not intentionally clocking that most days. I was Mom’s primary caregiver for the last decade of her life. Her needs factored into everything I did, including ministering and writing.I didn’t choose it. Caregiving became part of how I identified myself as a human being. It became a part of my fingerprint.
…and now I realize I need to give myself a hot minute to figure out how everything in life works without Mom to consider. Before I didn’t write daily because I was busy helping Mom and ministering. Time was not on my side. Now, as I approach the computer I wonder “What do I have to write about?”
I know it is not true, but it feels like the interesting parts of my life are over. That right there, is the power of sneaky grief. I have seen it in others and now here it is manifesting on the inside of me. It is strange. It doesn’t feel like sadness. It’s not anger. It’s not denial. It’s certainly not acceptance. It feels like….hesitancy. It’s like that moment when I was a little child meeting someone new, and all I could do was hide behind my mother’s skirt and suck my thumb. But this time the person I am meeting is…me!
PREPARE YOUR WITNESS PT. 2
In 2024 God has given us direction that we are to fast and pray that we would be prepared. We have been given a congregational sentence that comes through the many prophetic words which have been spoken to us over the last year or so. That sentence says: “Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Prepare you Spirit (come out of the decay of your strongholds). Prepare your Souls(Prepare to practice and feel compassion). Prepare your facility (your structures, infrastructures and plans). Prepare for the storm (Pray for action plan, Pray for a spirit of perseverance). Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example). Prepare your hope and faith (think hope, speak hope, act in hope). Prepare your love (love each other, love the people in your towns, love those who disagree with you, love through the doors that open).“
I have broken these seven prepare statements into 21 daily devotionals which I am posting here on Mondays. This is week 14.
DAY 14: Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example).
Last week we talked about earning the right to speak by building relationships with the people all around us. We talked about being an example of Jesus love to all men. The easiest way to build relationships and share our example is according to our gifts. “Gifts” is what the Bible calls them. In today’s terms we would probably use the words “personality traits” instead of the word “gifts”. We are not talking about talents or abilities like guitar playing or being good at football. We certainly aren’t talking about Christmas presents or birthday presents. We are talking about our character traits.
We will build relationships easily when we build them while going with the grain of our character. Let’s talk about the 7 most prominent “gifts” or “personality/ character traits.”
We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Romans 12: 6-8
The Prophet’s personality- is focused on what goes on under the surface. They are sensitive to people’s emotions and spiritual conditions. Prophet’s should focus on building relationships out of their empathy and desire to see people grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Prophets love to sit and have deep conversations based on feelings and thoughts. They love helping people bring context to their feelings.
The Servant’s Personality– is focused on helping. “How can I help?” is the servant’s natural and desired first response. The servant builds relationship by helping people where they need it. It is often what they do not what they say that causes people to know and love them.
The Teacher’s personality– is focused on helping people acquire knowledge. The teacher builds relationships best with people who want to learn. Teachers do well when they are helping someone discover something new in life.
DO YOU RECOGNIZE YOURSELF IN ANY OF THESE “GIFTS”? IF NOT DO NOT WORRY THERE ARE MORE GIFTS TO COME.
Garden Labors
We are about three weeks from planting the vegetable gardens. I was just having a discussion with one of my subscribers in Virginia about how here in Massachusetts we can’t put in our annual gardens until Memorial Day or after. That is not to say there is nothing to do. I have been moving day lilies around the yard for the last week to make room for new growth.
Today my son and daughter-in-law and I moved the garden boxes into their new locations. Three of these boxes are really old. I am kind of shocked they withstood the move.
One of the three boxes did not. But that is OK. I might be able to salvage the ends for some thing or other.
My daughter in law made our first cut flower vase of the season this morning as well.
This is one of the little niceties I am hoping to add to the Vicarage this year. I want to use what is on the property to beautify our lives. Other than that what is the point of garden labors?
This afternoon I am going to tackle the Japanese knotweed patch at the side of the house and gather the old stalks for burning. Maybe tonight we will have a fire.
Festival of Spring 2024 Week 7
HERE WE ARE WEEK NUMBER 7 ALREADY OF THIS TWELVE WEEK CHALLENGE FROM DAWN.
After you are done reading here, you can check out Dawn’s post and the posts of her other contributors by clicking the capitalized link above.
The nights here are still really chilly, but the days are getting warmer (up into the sixties anyway). I know Spring has arrived when the dandelions begin to bloom.
The Mayflowers are a sure sign too.
and the forsythia.
There is a. certain light that comes in the evenings at this time of year. It is refreshing. It makes me want to garden and clean things. That is bow spring makes me feel. HOW DOES SPRING MAKE YOU FEEL?
I AM THINKING ABOUT CREATIVITY THIS SABBATH DAY
Here are some things I am thinking about today concerning creativity.
I love the thought that there is an inexhaustible supply.
Now here is an interesting thought.
The Boy and His Bubbles
I had the privilege of watching my namesake yesterday. Joseph Elon Lillie VII is at the age where he loves bubbles.
I bought a bubble machine for Mom’s funeral, so we could sing her favorite Lawrence Welk song. But the bubble blower-matic was never meant to be a one hit wonder.
Sevy and Oz ( Joseph VII and Joseph V… my grandson and I) went to the park for about an hour to chase bubbles.
Well, he chased. I sat on a park bench.
I did not play Lawrence Welk. Sevy prefers Disney tunes. The bubble chasing was done to the sounds of “Moana”.
When all was said and done, we took a rest in the gazebo.
PREPARE YOUR WITNESS PT. 1
This year God has given our church direction that we are to prepare. We have been given a congregational sentence that comes through the many prophetic words which have been spoken to us over the last year or so. That sentence says: “Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Prepare you Spirit (come out of the decay of your strongholds). Prepare your Souls(Prepare to practice and feel compassion). Prepare your facility (your structures, infrastructures and plans). Prepare for the storm (Pray for action plan, Pray for a spirit of perseverance). Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example). Prepare your hope and faith (think hope, speak hope, act in hope). Prepare your love (love each other, love the people in your towns, love those who disagree with you, love through the doors that open).“
These seven prepare statements will be broken down into 21 devotionals which I will share over 21 weeks. This wee we are on.
DEVOTIONAL NUMBER 13: Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example).
In the days ahead our Christian example will be such an important part of our witness it will far outweigh our words.
Preparing our witness is going to involve us earning the right to speak by treating the people around us…all the people around us, in such a way that they will be convinced that our message bears weight. This involves loving…truly loving the people God is calling us to.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-7
Festival of Spring 2024 Week #6
It is time to show you what Spring is looking like here in Massachusetts. THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO DAWN’S FESTIVAL OF SPRING 2024 CHALLENGE.
The hostas have poked their heads through the dirt.
The maple flowers have blossomed.
And the wild roses are leafing.
The temps are warmer. Yesterday was perfect weather for my mother’s funeral.
A Day Of Closure, A Day of Beginning
Today was Mom’s celebration of life. There are lots of things I can hardly believe. I can hardly believe it has been three weeks since she passed. I can hardly believe how my life and schedule have changed in those three weeks. I can hardly believe Brenda will be returning to her mission in The Netherlands next Thursday. I can hardly believe the changes I see yet to come.
Today we gathered at the family plot in Silver Lake Cemetery in Athol MA. It was a beautiful Spring day spent with family and friends. The last members of Mom’s generation were present for the celebration: Uncle Tom and Aunt Carol from her side (Mom’s last remaining sister and brother-in-law) and from my Dad’s side: his cousin Barbara and her husband Bob, Dad’s cousin Dana and Dad’s cousin Dick with Dick’s wife, Elise. I think everyone else is gone from that great generation. My sister and I along with our cousins are now the elders of the family.
My grandson, Sevy (Joseph Elon Lillie VII) took up a place next to his namesake as soon as we got to the cemetery.
My father always called himself Jr. He was really Joseph Elon Lillie IV. It was really sweet how Sevy took up this spot and just kind of stayed there through the service. At least until the bubbles started.
The service began with “Amazing Grace” and ended with a Lawrence Welk favorite of my mother’s, “Goodnight! Goodnight!” complete with the bubble machine. I am thinking my cousin Terrie was not enjoying the bubbles as much as the kids.
The church threw us a wonderful family reception after the graveside service. Here is Brenda and I with our cousin Renee at the reception.
It was a day of mourning and a day of laughter. It was day of closure and a day of beginning.
Notes From the Vicarage 