During this corporate season of prayer I have filled my journal with hundreds of entries from my personal prayer times. Here is one of the thoughts I have been contemplating since Jan. 26.
“We are only empty vessels. The sooner we recognize that, the sooner we can stop trying to accomplish things in our own power and we can allow God to fill us and flow through us with His power. In His power we can accomplish eternal things if impossible magnitude.”
I am aware that God is bringing me into a place where I recognize my powerlessness. This sense of my own fragility is the key to operating in the supernatural power of the Living God.
Are you becoming aware that you are not equal to the task in front of you? What is your answer to it?
The Bible says there is a time to every purpose under Heaven. I know you thought it was The Byrds, but actually ….no… The Byrds liberated it from King Solomon and his book of Ecclesiastes.
For all those who follow this blog, you know that God has been changing up my schedule rather severely over the last few months. He’s been causing me to ask what it’s time for in my life. He’s been asking me to discover what is important to me at this stage..and what is not. It’s been harder than I thought it would be. I thought I would just easily slide from one gear into the next, but this has not been so much a shifting as it has been a process.
Part of that process has been an evaluation of what my life is supposed to become. I said yesterday that I knew my life was supposed to include both more prayer and more creative connections with art. I also know that this time with my mother, as her health declines, is something that I will value forever, Her situation is the fulcrum which gives power to this whole movement of life. As I press into the situation with my mother, I am also discovering I do really value time spent relating with people.
Over my many years of ministry I have gotten so involved in the act of ministering to people and being an event coordinator to bring people together for the act of relating that at times I found myself loving people but being really sick of being with them…Too much of a good thing I guess.
Now as I am being pulled out of the middle of everything I am finding that I really do crave relationship with people. I so enjoy just being with the staff on Tuesdays. I love seeing the congregation on Sundays. I love sitting with people one on one just having a good chat. And I love having to go home to Mom so I can resume the quiet lifestyle I need to process all that comes out of those times of relation.
There is a time to every purpose under Heaven: A time to write, a time to draw, a time to take photos, a time to do house work, a time to take care of Mom and a time to be with people for a good chat.
I feel like I am becoming more balanced than I have ever been!
Morning came early today. By 6:30 I had showered, walked and fed the dogs, had breakfast, done laundry, got the bills ready for mailing and loaded the car for the dump run. By 7 I was at prayer in the church and by 8 I was loading the car with my travel piano in preparation for the funeral I am performing this afternoon. By 9 I was peeling potatoes for the potato salad I am taking to the funeral. Then, I headed off to the bank to make a deposit and to withdraw money for mom’s daily needs for the next few weeks.
Brenda had a great night in Southington CT. Two more people gave their hearts to Jesus last night and she got to pray with a man who has had five strokes and lost his voice.
That is the power of story. That is the power of art launched into conversation.
I think it is for this reason I have felt over the last several months that I need to spend more time in two things: Prayer and creation of art.
Sometimes I just practice my hand at simple things I think I will have to draw a lot
This image I actually saw in a vision I had before one of our recent board meetings.
I am learning God has skills He would make available to us if we would both seek Him and practice. These skills remain latent in us until we need them and choose them for the purposes of His kingdom! Who knows but maybe this is one of the reasons for the shifts going on in my life right now. I am being called out of certain things in order to help my mother. That said perhaps I am also being called into other things by the shifting which will make me of greater use for God’s kingdom.
Today was the final day of our Church artist group’s month long art show at The Gardner Public Library. I think we averaged about a tour a week and we had lots of people sign our guest book. So I would call the show a critical success.
By artist: Wendy Brouillet
We approached this show very differently from the way we have approached other shows. I have been telling the other artists in Ccada that our art should create conversations. It should raise questions. It should help us start relationships with people in order to show the love of Jesus.
By Artist: Betty Knowlton
So with this show we decided to gather groups of people together and view the art while telling the stories the different pieces held within them. Sometimes the story was as simple as an interesting technique the artist used to create the piece. The piece above for instance required a styrofoam cup, some green paint, some black paint and a fine toothed comb,
By artist KenKnowlton
Believe it or not this is actually an enhanced photograph. Would you want to live there?
We live in a world that has forgotten the art of story telling and the gift of story listening. We like our graphs and pie charts. We love the headline and the sound byte. We will read anything as long as it is 300 words or less and we listen to any report that doesn’t take more than 7 minutes of our time.
But just because the art of story is forgotten doesn’t mean it’s lots its power.
By Artist: Wendy Brouillet
As a race humans are hard wired for story in a way that even our hurried culture cannot undo. We have questions and we are prone even in the midst of our busy lives to stop and discover the answers.
So with this art show I told the stories behind the works. I asked the questions that made the pieces come alive. For instance…What time of day is it in the painting above?
As humans we don’t live in sound bytes. We don’t live in mathematical equations. We live in stories. We seek out themes and ideas that give our personal stories meaning.
Tonight my sister is at a church in Southington telling the story of Cory TenBoom yet again.
Brenda in hair and makeup
Her story resonates with so many people because it shows in real time how any story that intersects with God’s story can become filled with power, adventure, hope and above all love.
At the Vicarage we are becoming more dedicated everyday to telling the story of how Jesus’ love has intersected each of our stories in a radical way. We don’t know where the telling will lead us exactly. Oh we know the end of the story pretty well (we skipped ahead and read the last page). It’s all the steps in the middle that are a little fuzzy. That said, maybe it’s not all about the temporary outcomes. Maybe it is about just being faithful to live out and to tell the story.
Cornerstone Church has been in a season of 24/7 prayer since mid January. I have been so blessed to be able to spend between 2 and 5 hours of prayer everyday during this season. I think this needs to become a new normal for me. God has said many things to me during this time. Here is one of those things that came to me in a prayer time on January 22.
HOPE is the understanding and believing of God’s future plan in specificity for an individual as well as in the grand scheme. Faith is the chutzpah which acts on that understanding. Faith cannot operate properly without first having a true hope. Many people struggle with faith because they try to operate in faith without any understanding of God’s specific plan for the suture of their situation (they have no hope).
So my children in South Korea have now come under the shadow of this new world wide pestilence. THEY ARE FINE. NEITHER OF THEM HAVE CORONA VIRUS But the newly weds who have work contracts in two different cities in South Korea are now shut off from each other by their work situations for the next month at least.
Kristine is stuck in Seoul and Joe is stuck in Gyeongju-si and as the country shuts down more and more everyday who knows how long this will go on.
Kristine posted this today on her Facebook story line.
So pray my friends. Pray for my children that they would not remain separated. Pray for South Korea. Pray for the whole world to be free of this pestilence.
Dear Evan Hansen is one of my favorite musicals. It’s a modern day commentary on: family, peer pressure, truth telling, rejection, fatherlessness, and well so many other things.
A few days ago I was working on the church’s prophecy board (more on that another time) when I just felt I had to listen to the music from the musical again. I knew as I did, it was God telling me He was going to reveal emotions I was not being honest about.
So many of the songs resonate with me even as a pastor/prophet. This time, though, the songs that hit me hard were “So Big So Small” and “Does Anybody Have a Map”, which are the mother’s songs from the musical.
In the middle of both songs I began to cry. SUPER UNEXPECTED! I actually closed up shop and went home because I couldn’t take it anymore and I couldn’t figure out why. The next day I told Amanda about it and then I played the songs again for her and… Yep!…. You guessed it. I started crying again. I realized I had work to do.
I have spent many hours in prayer over this and I think I have a bit of revelation. I am relating with this lady…not because my son is in trouble but because Brenda, Amanda and I are becoming parents by increments to my mom.
It has hit me that Brenda will soon be heading back to her mission, I think I am afraid of this. When Brenda goes back to The Netherlands I will be a “single parent” : I will make the meals. I will pay the bills. I will make sure Mom takes her showers. I will do the doctors and the dentist appointments. I will do the laundry and…. and….and….and … this house seems so big and I feel so small.
These thoughts came during my time of prayer and meditation in the Philippines. I thought I would share them with you as a way to help you understand a bit more about what God is working in me as my life goes enters into this new phase of life. During this season I feel like God would have me reorient my life towards recognizing the beauty in the world.
Beauty is one of the distilled essences of love. Where love abounds the aroma of beauty is present. Where love is confronted by hatred beauty is suppressed, but because love can never be eradicated, beauty will always be sensed, even if only in the smallest way.
In the end, judgment is God’s radical work to restore beauty when all other methods fail. JE LILLIE
It’s been a busy week! Brenda booked three more shows fo “My Hiding Place”. This means she will be here in The U.Ss. through the beginning of July at least.
Reviews have been so exciting and have affirmed that God is really anointing this project.
Here are some things people are saying;
“I WAS SHOCKED TODAY…stunned…wowed! I cried…I almost sobbed! I had Missionary Brenda J. Lillie in today for our Sunday morning service to do her dramatic performance of “My Hiding Place: Recollections from Corrie Ten Boom”. It was AMAZING.”- Pastor Dan Peloquin
“You nailed it! An amazing story told by an amazing storyteller!” – Wendy Brouliette
“Such a wonderful roller coaster of emotion; delivered by a truly talented woman. Bravo!”- Michael Murphy
“Beautiful ministry performance of The Hiding Place by Brenda J. Lillie. This power packed rendition of the story of Corrie Ten Boom is wonderful for any size church due to the conscious, minimalistic approach to props and technology. We could have been her toughest critics being well acquainted with the Ten Boom story from my own missionary service in Holland and my wife being Dutch (and her grandmother knowing Corrie from Haarlem). However, my wife and I were greatly touched by the legacy of the Ten Boom Family accurately portrayed through this 2-part dramatization. Bravo!!!”- Pastor Eric Capelli
“My Hiding Place” is the compelling true story of Corrie ten Boom. Written, produced, designed, and portrayed by the talented Brenda J. Lillie, Missionary to the Netherlands. This powerful, passionate, and inspiring production is more than an outstanding play – it is an experience! It’s a story of love and forgiveness. God is truly present in this amazing performance! A must see! – Pastor Robin Di Prima Koroskenyi
If you would like to book her for a show she is opening tours.
While Brenda has been ministering in this show, Jesus has been rewriting my schedule. Ministry has become much about prayer and caregiving for me. I have been meeting with people all week, praying with people all week, meeting practical and emotional needs all week. In between have been great swaths of prayer lasting 2 hours or more at a whack. It has been amazing!
God has also been allowing me to figure in several hours of writing a day. While I miss the office and the constant contact with leadership I feel like these adjustments have opened up avenues of ministry I have not explored for years. It has been so good.
Two days before Brenda and I left for The Philippines, Cornerstone Church (the church where Amanda and I serve) began 21 days of 24/7 prayer. While I could not be with the congregation during much of this season of prayer, I did spend a good deal of time in the presence of the Lord. I sat for many hours WONDERING about the new direction my life is taking and the new direction the church is taking. Here are some of the things which came to mind in my WONDERING:
“In order for me to discover the things which are going to be really important to me on this new path, I must reduce my life in its complexity. I must embrace the things which are truly important to my nature and do those things. Further I must begin to encourage others to learn what is important to their natures and do those things. ” Pondered 1-20-20
As I think about this I realize it flows out of something I have discovered about myself. I entered the ministry out of a great desire to connect with God and to help others do the same. I am now and have always been a contemplative. Prayer, worship, meditation and study are sort of my jam. I also realize the place of contemplation is where my greatest power resides to make a change in the world.
This season is a gift from God allowing these strengths of mine to have more room to grow. This season is also balancing/ limiting the activities which distract me from the contemplation which is mine by nature.
Finally as I embrace my thing it gets me out of the way so other people can do their thing. Then if they will simplify their lives they will be able to embrace whatever their jam is like I am now embracing mine!
Notes From the Vicarage 