I have never been good at going to the doctor or the dentist for my yearly appointments.

I actually lost my last doctor because I did not keep up with my yearly physicals. I don’t know about your part of the world, but in my part that is a cardinal sin of the medical health system. I always told myself I was just too busy to go to the doctor or the dentist.

Two years ago I told myself it was time to make a change. I needed to start taking better care of my health….

I applied for a new primary care physician and I made an appointment. It got put off a few times which I was fine with. When I finally got to have the appointment the nurse practitioner ordered a bunch of tests. One was a colonoscopy. I made the appointment and failed to show up for it not once but twice. I just freaked out and couldn’t make myself go out the front door. I told myself it was just because of that particular test, but then I failed to get simple X-rays done. I told myself it was just that I was too busy.

Then Mom got sick. I told myself she had to be my focus, so I cancelled all my doctors appointments. I picked things back up in August with a visit to my PCP (primary care physician). She ordered more tests of course. She modified the colonoscopy to COLOGUARD which I managed, but the new test was a cardiac MRI.

I thought I was good with it. I set it up. Then the day of the test, which was yesterday, I totally blocked it from my mind. I went to bed the night before knowing I had to be out of the house by seven for a seven thirty call. I was up in time, but I just went on with my morning chores like a normal day. It was noon before I realized I had missed the appointment.

I think I have to come clean with myself and admit that I have a major case of WHITE COAT SYNDROME which I have been hiding from myself for years. It’s not just busyness or forgetfulness or shame. It’s fear!!!

I broke two teeth a while back and finally went to the dentist when it started hurting. I now need oral surgery to have two wisdom teeth removed and a molar.

I think this one will be OK. I am going to need a ride there and back so I will have the kids hold me accountable, but the rest of this fear I am not sure how I will deal with. It’s getting rather inconvenient.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE LIFE CONTROLLING FEAR?