family

Clump

/ joseph elon lillie / 3 Comments

This week I am participating in Linda’s STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS SATURDAY CHALLENGE.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a particular subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

THE WRITING PROMPT FOR THIS WEEK IS THE WORD….CLUMP

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“CLUMP”. It is such an unattractive word. I am almost afraid to write about it for fear of what ugliness will come out. Mostly… I hate clumps. They are unattractive lumps of nothing usually having no purpose other than to be taken over by some outside force and having to be dealt with severely in order to restore…well…order.

Case in point my yard. It is full of clumpy things.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain beauty to my clumps, a certain wildness. The woods and the brush pile have attracted loads of song birds and the rock pile is home to a cute little family of chipmunks, but all the clumps make me feel a little out of control, if I am honest.

Here’s a confession, I am afraid of what I will lose if I get rid of my clumps. Wait! that sounds like hoarding talk! Am I hoarding my outdoor clumps? Maybe a little….Maybe it is something I have a mental block about, as bit of an avoidance disorder in the making. It does make me wonder why I keep from fixing the mess outdoors. I keep saying I have been busy, but I think it might be more than that. Maybe I stay busy so I don’t need to deal with the “clumps”…. is it for comfort?…is it for control? I am going to have to consider this.

DO YOU LIKE CLUMPS?

A SONG OVER THE VICARAGE

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We are facing great challenges here at The Vicarage. “We are pressed on every side”, as Paul the Apostle said, but we are not crushed!

Music helps me to hold on to my faith perspective during seasons of hardship. Here is one of the songs I am currently listening to to bolster my faith.

DOES MUSIC HELP YOU TO FOCUS? OF SO WHAT SONGS ARE HELPING YOU THESE DAYS?

SPROUTS

/ joseph elon lillie / 2 Comments

Well my indoor garden has sprouted. My friend Jody says I have planted too early. It may be so, but that is the glory of experimentation. We shall see what the future holds for my garden… and other things. I am finding a weird sort of peace in the face of all the current uncertainties. I possess a kind of contentment in the midst of uncertain circumstances that is based in eternal certainties.

I don’t know if my garden will grow to fruit.

I don’t know how long my mother’s failing health will hold.

I don’t know how long the church’s current favor in the community will last.

Pastor Amanda volunteering at the CAC Bowling Alley

I don’t know about my future prosperity. my regions future prosperity. The country’s future prosperity. The world’s future prosperity.

I don’t know a lot of things…..But there are things I am certain of.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. ROMANS 8:28

I CAN BE… confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. PHIL. 1:6

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.[a]11 Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives 12 as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.[b] That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. 13 But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. 2 PETER 3:9-13

So I can see the forest. It’s the trees I am struggling to see.

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DO YOU SEE THE FOREST OR THE TREES?

NIGHTTIME HALLUCINATIONS

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The last few nights have been difficult for Mom. She has been having a hard time sleeping. Last night when she did sleep she had vivid dreams that spilled over into waking hallucinations. We had chickens dancing on the ceiling and great anxiety over the house running out of oil. Haloperidol is one of the medications that is helping us through this part of her illness.

It’s Sabbath today and so I am spending some time resting in prayer. Mom has been a bit more restful throughout the morning so that has been helpful. Here are some quotes about reality I am thinking about today.

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WHICH QUOTE SPEAKS TO YOU?

SHARE YOUR WORLD WEEK OF FEBRUARY 29TH

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Every week I am choosing to enter a blogging community challenge. One of may personal favorites is SHARE YOUR WORLD.

This challenge has been a part of the blogosphere for many years and has had several hosts. Check out the current hosts blog when you have finished reading my answers to her questions.

1. What do you normally have for breakfast? I am pretty ritualistic when it comes to breakfast. Most mornings I start with two glasses of water, a cup of coffee, two pieces of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and half a banana. About twice a week I will switch it up and have two fried eggs with toast or an English muffin and a half a banana
2.  Do you prefer to cook using gas or electricity? I don’t really have a preference. I have always been a little leery of a gas stove, if I am honest.
3.  When you are working on your computer/laptop/tablet/mobile device etc, do you listen to music or have something else on in the background? Not usually. I sometimes pray with music on, but if I am writing or working I generally do that in silence.
4. Do you hang pictures on your walls, or prefer to have personal photographs on shelves? My home was built with two “photograph rooms”. The photo rails are built just above eye level. I guess when the house was built it was considered that photos should not be everywhere in the house, but only in specific rooms.I have also been told, It was also considered improper to hang things on the walls. Today those shelves are jammed with photos and I have photos and art hanging all over the walls.

Gratitude: I have said it before. I am very grateful for family, friends and professional hospice workers who are helping to make Mom comfortable for however long she has left with us.

THE MAKING AND KEEPING OF A SCHEDULE

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At this moment, Mom is sleeping. She ate her first solid food in six days a little while ago. a quarter of a ham salad sandwich and a few chip crumbs. Amanda and I are sitting watching Murder She Wrote (the key to creating an atmosphere that keeps Mom calm).

Mom requires a two person assist since her last bout of illness. So I spent this morning making and sending out the weekly schedule to our family to make sure we have the proper coverage every day.

We have never kept a sedate schedule at The Vicarage. While our hours, as ministers and teachers, are flexible for the most part there is still a lot to do. While we have lots of hands in this work (and I am blessed for all the help). Each set of hands comes with an added layer of complexity. Keeping Joe and Kristine’s work at their schools and Amanda’s, Brenda’s and my visitation and preaching schedules in mind means scheduling takes some consideration.

Melanie and James are coming over a few times next week to make sure Brenda is not alone while Amanda and I are out at staff meeting.

I am also working to make sure the whole family is in the know about times and schedules for the PCA’s and nurses.

I am really thankful right now for Paul Hackett who trained me in scheduling all those years ago. I am also thankful to his wife Carrie, my personal assistant at church who has kept my schedule at church organized.

I know that in the days ahead communication is going to be a key to keeping our sanity and to giving Mom the best quality of life she can have now. That is the penultimate goal at the moment. Well, I just got an alert than Megan is about to arrive to help Mom with her daily wash up. So folks I am off. Keep us in your prayers as I keep you in mine.

A HARD RIGHT TURN

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Life took something of a hard right turn on Monday.

As regular readers will know, Mom started with hospice about three weeks ago. She started sleeping a lot on Saturday and Sunday and eating almost nothing. We also saw an increase in her pain level. Then on Monday she became very nauseous and her pain level spiked beyond control. She started vomitting dark black liquid. The nurse came out to help us, the doctor called and we made some adjustments to her meds. It was an intense 24 hours in which none of us got much sleep.

It seems we have moved very quickly to a new level of hospice. We now have the hospital bed mom had been resisting in house and the old couch she loved sleeping on removed. We have asked for and I think received an upgrade in PCA care to five days a week and today the doctor is coming out to review Mom’s meds to make sure we have what is needed for her comfort.

Dr. Harrington, the director of the hospice agency, is actually one of the doctors Mom worked with during her career as a nurse. She remembered him.

Today she is looking and feeling much better, but in the last few days Mom has eaten nothing more substantial than two or three scoops of ice cream. She seems to have no appetite for solid food. Good news… She has been drinking her Pedia-lyte and rehydrating. She is very weak. Walking to the bathroom is not at the moment a possibility. Thank God for all that has been provided in the way of adaptive tools, the transfer chair and commode my cousin gave us have been a life saver, and the hospice meds have been so helpful in keeping Mom comfortable.

I can’t say enough about the hospice staff who have been helping us through this season. They have all been so kind. I also am also so blessed by family and my congregation. So many in the church have reached out with offers of help. My friend, worship leader and deacon, Jody came to help me and my son, Joe, move the couch yesterday. My family, also, has really circled the wagons during this season. We all gathered and prayed together last night with many tears and much hope that God would see us through this life stage with grace and love.

Regardless of the hard right turn, I know God will see us through and we will end up right where we are supposed to be.

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PLANTING A GARDEN AND DRAWING A PICTURE

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So I have two goals for this Sabbath Day. The first goal I have is to plant my tomatoes and peppers in the starter pots I bought at Walmart two days ago.

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I have been talking with Brenda and Kristine and we agree it is time to get back to gardening this year. I bought a bunch of vegetable and herb seeds. So the gardening begins….tomorrow.

The other thing I want to do is get back to my pencil drawing.

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At Christmas, I asked for pencils and drawing supplies. Amanda got me a whole new set. I am determined not to let this gift go to waste and so tomorrow I will begin my drawing lessons again. I probably will not draw a monkey.

SCHEDULING

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Back in the time before lead pastoring, when I was writing four blogs a day, I would have writing sessions. In those sessions which came about twice or three times a week I would write and schedule several blogs at a time into their respective time slots. I had a pretty organized schedule of which blogs were posted when.

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These days I am happy when I just get seven blogs a week done on “Notes From the Vicarage”. I haven’t yet figured out how to schedule each post into its respective time slot, because while I am writing everyday (or just about everyday), it is still catch as catch can as to what time the writing gets done.

I had worked out a pretty good rhythm before life changed, but I am in a new movement in the symphony of life and so I am still figuring out the new tempo, meter and rhythm of this particular section. Part of this change is learning to give myself grace and space as I hunt and peck my way to my new normal. It’s funny. It took me almost two years to realize I needed a new normal.

ARE YOU A STICKLER FOR SCHEDULING OR DO YOU FIND IT EASIER TO JUST LET LIFE HAPPEN?