More Goodbyes

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Last night a group of us gathered in Jaffrey New Hampshire for a final dinner with my sister before she heads back to her mission in The Netherlands.

These last four months have been quite a journey as we walked with my Mom through her final days. I have so appreciated Brenda coming home to help carry the load. I recognize not every family is lucky enough to have this experience. Honestly I don’t know how I would have continued to manage my role as pastor if it weren’t for Brenda and her team being willing to work remotely across the Atlantic Ocean through this season.

I don’t know how I would have managed were it not for lifelong friends from church like Paula and Jody, Ray and Deb, Paul and Carrie, Wendy, Natalia, John and Nancy and so many others.

The role of my children in this whole season has also been huge. Amanda, Melanie and James , Joe and Kristine all took regular turns on the daily schedule to help care for Mom. Our family was truly blessed to have this level of unity during this season.

Even as we prepare to say good bye to Brenda there is still so much to do in settling Mom’s final business, but all that is for another day. Today is a day to be grateful for the road we have been blessed to walk together for the last several months.

The Boy and His Bubbles

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I had the privilege of watching my namesake yesterday. Joseph Elon Lillie VII is at the age where he loves bubbles.

I bought a bubble machine for Mom’s funeral, so we could sing her favorite Lawrence Welk song. But the bubble blower-matic was never meant to be a one hit wonder.

Sevy and Oz ( Joseph VII and Joseph V… my grandson and I) went to the park for about an hour to chase bubbles.

Well, he chased. I sat on a park bench.

I did not play Lawrence Welk. Sevy prefers Disney tunes. The bubble chasing was done to the sounds of “Moana”.

When all was said and done, we took a rest in the gazebo.

PREPARE YOUR WITNESS PT. 1

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This year God has given our church direction that we are to prepare. We have been given a congregational sentence that comes through the many prophetic words which have been spoken to us over the last year or so. That sentence says: “Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Prepare you Spirit (come out of the decay of your strongholds). Prepare your Souls(Prepare to practice and feel compassion). Prepare your facility (your structures, infrastructures and plans). Prepare for the storm (Pray for action plan, Pray for a spirit of perseverance). Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example). Prepare your hope and faith (think hope, speak hope, act in hope). Prepare your love (love each other, love the people in your towns, love those who disagree with you, love through the doors that open).“

These seven prepare statements will be broken down into 21 devotionals which I will share over 21 weeks. This wee we are on.

DEVOTIONAL NUMBER 13: Prepare your witness (know your gifts, earn the right to speak, build your relationships with those outside the church, build your example). 

In the days ahead our Christian example will be such an important part of our witness it will far outweigh our words. 

Preparing our witness is going to involve us earning the right to speak by treating the people around us…all the people around us, in such a way that they will be convinced that our message bears weight. This involves loving…truly loving the people God is calling us to.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

A Day Of Closure, A Day of Beginning

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Today was Mom’s celebration of life. There are lots of things I can hardly believe. I can hardly believe it has been three weeks since she passed. I can hardly believe how my life and schedule have changed in those three weeks. I can hardly believe Brenda will be returning to her mission in The Netherlands next Thursday. I can hardly believe the changes I see yet to come.

Today we gathered at the family plot in Silver Lake Cemetery in Athol MA. It was a beautiful Spring day spent with family and friends. The last members of Mom’s generation were present for the celebration: Uncle Tom and Aunt Carol from her side (Mom’s last remaining sister and brother-in-law) and from my Dad’s side: his cousin Barbara and her husband Bob, Dad’s cousin Dana and Dad’s cousin Dick with Dick’s wife, Elise. I think everyone else is gone from that great generation. My sister and I along with our cousins are now the elders of the family.

My grandson, Sevy (Joseph Elon Lillie VII) took up a place next to his namesake as soon as we got to the cemetery.

My father always called himself Jr. He was really Joseph Elon Lillie IV. It was really sweet how Sevy took up this spot and just kind of stayed there through the service. At least until the bubbles started.

The service began with “Amazing Grace” and ended with a Lawrence Welk favorite of my mother’s, “Goodnight! Goodnight!” complete with the bubble machine. I am thinking my cousin Terrie was not enjoying the bubbles as much as the kids.

The church threw us a wonderful family reception after the graveside service. Here is Brenda and I with our cousin Renee at the reception.

It was a day of mourning and a day of laughter. It was day of closure and a day of beginning.

SHARING MY WORLD FROM APRIL 22ND ON APRIL 26TH 2024

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THIS POST IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO PENSITIVITY 101’S WEEKLY SHARE YOUR WORLD CHALLENGE.

You can click the link above to go and see how other bloggers answered the challenge.

HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS AND MY ANSWERS:

1. Have you ever attended a First Aid Course? It has been years but there was a time I was First Aid/ CPR/MED and RBV trained for my job. Those trainings served me well in working with the disabled population in my area.
2. Apart from grazed knees and applying a band aid, have you ever applied First Aid? Actually my First Aid training was some of the least utilized training I had. I used my Med certification all the time and my RBV (responding to violent behavior and deescalation) training a lot.
3. Are you squeamish about the sight of blood? No blood doesn’t bother me.
4. How far away is the nearest hospital? The nearest hospital is 15 minutes from my house and about 5 minutes up the road from the church. Living in Massachusetts we are blessed to have many hospitals close by. I know that is not the case with many locations in New Hampshire and Vermont or even Maine. I remember when one of my parishioners broke her hip in a nursing home up in New Hampshire they had to transfer her to Hartford CT for surgery.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS THURSDAY

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Today would normally be the day on which I posted my Festival of Spring 2024 post, but this has not been a normal week, or maybe it is just the new normal.

Since Mom has passed we have all been relearning how to live life. Many of the folks in church told me that care-giving to the end of life, left the care-giver with a sense of identity loss, when all was said and done. I thought I believed them when they said it. I thought I knew what they meant. I also thought I had bolstered myself against that very thing by being “pastor”. I realize now, that it did not work as well as I had hoped. Maybe it worked as best as it could. Maybe like the rest of the grief process, coming to our new identities, apart from being Mom’s caregiver, is just going to take time and be a several step journey.

All that to say, I am not doing my Festival of Spring Post today. I will probably do that tomorrow. Today I will just blather on a bit about our lost identity.

In the last weeks we have had to relearn that someone does not always have to be home. The whole family can go out together whenever we want because no one has to sit with Mom. It actually took us about three days to figure that out and it still feels strange to do it, almost like a betrayal. It feels even stranger to come home to an empty house.

Learning silence is another part of this new identity. I had not realized it until I cancelled cable and shut the television off but the TV has been on for the better part of a decade from 7 AM until 10 PM everyday. Mom liked the noise and never wanted it off. We got used to eating our meals to the sound of “Murder She Wrote” or “Perry Mason”. The first time we gathered around the table for dinner, and the television was not on, there was this deep sense of peace and breath and a weird finality that felt at odds with the table conversation. I guess I thought I would be struggling with who I was or who I was going to become in this new phase of life. It’s not really that at all. I have plenty to do and I don’t really feel like I am a whole new person. Rather I am struggling with how to be in the world. I feel like I have a pretty good grip on who I am. It is the new world of silence and emptiness that feels alien to me.

Festival of Spring 2024 Week#5

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WE ARE IN WEEK 5 OF OUR FESTIVAL OF SPRING CHALLENGE WITH DAWN. YOU CAN CHECK OUT ALL HER POSTS AND THOSE OF HER SPRING CHALLENGE SUBSCRIBERS BY CLICKING HERE.

Here in Massachusetts winter seems to be finally losing its grip on the world. The nights are still very cold and frosty, but the days are getting warmer and greener.

The sun is making a bigger appearance on out landscape.

And the early Spring flowers have finally said, “Hello world!” It’s time to start gardening in earnest now.