Last night a group of us gathered in Jaffrey New Hampshire for a final dinner with my sister before she heads back to her mission in The Netherlands.
These last four months have been quite a journey as we walked with my Mom through her final days. I have so appreciated Brenda coming home to help carry the load. I recognize not every family is lucky enough to have this experience. Honestly I don’t know how I would have continued to manage my role as pastor if it weren’t for Brenda and her team being willing to work remotely across the Atlantic Ocean through this season.
I don’t know how I would have managed were it not for lifelong friends from church like Paula and Jody, Ray and Deb, Paul and Carrie, Wendy, Natalia, John and Nancy and so many others.
The role of my children in this whole season has also been huge. Amanda, Melanie and James , Joe and Kristine all took regular turns on the daily schedule to help care for Mom. Our family was truly blessed to have this level of unity during this season.
Even as we prepare to say good bye to Brenda there is still so much to do in settling Mom’s final business, but all that is for another day. Today is a day to be grateful for the road we have been blessed to walk together for the last several months.
I had the privilege of watching my namesake yesterday. Joseph Elon Lillie VII is at the age where he loves bubbles.
I bought a bubble machine for Mom’s funeral, so we could sing her favorite Lawrence Welk song. But the bubble blower-matic was never meant to be a one hit wonder.
Sevy and Oz ( Joseph VII and Joseph V… my grandson and I) went to the park for about an hour to chase bubbles.
Well, he chased. I sat on a park bench.
I did not play Lawrence Welk. Sevy prefers Disney tunes. The bubble chasing was done to the sounds of “Moana”.
When all was said and done, we took a rest in the gazebo.
Nature decorated our Palm Sunday service with diamonds in the trees. Some of the towns in our area lost power due to power lines downed by ice laden trees.
I was a little worried it would be too cold for the Parade of Palms our local council of churches had planned.
But by noon the sun had warmed things up nicely.
About 70 people….family and friends gathered with palms in hand to march up our Central St. behind a donkey to commemorate Jesus’ Triumphal Entry.
We finished with prayers by the clergy for our town. I got to pray.
Rabbi Ken prayed in Hebrew.
Jon Bauver the director of The Worship Room House of Prayer prayed.
Father Henry from Immaculate Heart prayed.
Finally Pastor Calvin Miller the coordinator of our event closed us out.
Soooo cold….. It is 19 degrees with a windchill on this fine Spring day. To top it off we have 2- 4 inches of snow coming tonight.
But it its Spring and I am thinking of gardens. I really want to work outdoors this Spring and summer. To clean up. To burn brush. To plant. To water. To weed even. And to harvest!
At this time of year Spring snows are to be expected, even if they are never welcomed. The promise and the hope, of course, is that the snow will not last. It will come and it will go as do all of life’s trials. The roses will bloom again. Until then we hold onto the hope of flowers yet to grow and the memory of flowers faded and passed like the one above.
Mom slept for twenty eight hours, waking only once for the bathroom and a bowl of ice cream, all of which she did with her eyes closed and a great deal of protesting. Even washing her face with her PCA was difficult.
Mom and Melanie last week
Last night at family prayer we discussed our next steps, what the future might look like. We always have two of us “on shift” now at the house as Mom’s health fails further. We reviewed the hospice protocols with everyone and talked through what Mom’s funeral will look like according to her pre-planning.
Moms graduation photo
Today, Mom woke up at about 8:30 and has been a bit more more wakeful. She has eaten a few bowls of ice cream and an egg with most of a piece of toast. She is also drinking again. The PCA says that the back and forth is to be expected at this stage of the hospice journey. But it does seem with each occurrence she slips a little further away from us. Even her “wakefulness” is different from what it was a week ago.
Moms nursing school graduation photo
Amanda and I are on shift today. I have been sitting quietly with Mom as she naps and have begun going through old pictures.
Our family back in the day at a Women’s Club old fashioned fashion show
The time is drawing closer, I think when we will need to be putting these pictures together on memory boards.
Mom and her friend Ginny
It is a bitter sweet time as I rehearse memories, retelling myself and the kids the old stories of our family in this place we call the Vicarage. It is a sad time. It is a sweet time. It is violent with inevitability and quiet with a rhythm that feels so deep…so poignant. I sense this quiet planning time is some of the most consequential time I will ever spend.
Mom’s health is now at a place where someone is with her in her room or the next room 24/7. As I write, Brenda and I are working remotely with our ministries from the table just outside Mom’s room while she watches Jessica Fletcher from her hospital bed. She has just had her morning meds and is slowly falling back to sleep, which she does a lot these days.
I generally have the night watch. I sleep really well in the recliner at the foot of Mom’s bed (an ability no one else in my family shares).
Mom is usually up at least one time in the night if not twice. This has radically changed my sleep schedule and that has blessed me greatly. One of the things I have always wanted to implement in my prayer life was the Benedictine rhythm of prayer: Matins, Lauds, Prime, Terce, Sext, None, Vespers and Compline.
I have managed to implement the sessions but not in their proper time slots…that is… not until this season of life.
Mom’s nighttime schedule has made it very easy to get up and pray for Matins and Lauds. I have to say, spreading out the hours of prayer into more evenly spaced sessions has made the prayer-life balance so much richer. Life flows out of prayer, then life flows back into prayer. One of my hopes is that I will be able to establish this rhythm permanently and naturally into my life.
Our church is comprised of small groups of people we call Doing Life Together Groups. Each group is encouraged to
STUDY THE BIBLE TOGETHER/ TO PRAY TOGETHER/ TO FELLOWSHIP AND BUILD DEEP RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER/ AND TO MEET NEEDS IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE COMMUNITY TOGETHER.
One of our “DLT” groups is a group of men called The Steadfast Sons. This year they chose to minister to the greater community of men in our church though and event called “BE A GODLY MAN”.
About 40 men from 8 different DLT groups showed up for breakfast lunch and five breakout sessions
Andy Ross and Stephen Sandoval were our co facilitators in Doing Life Together for the day.
Here are some of my take aways from the day.
BOYS CANNOT CONFER MANHOOD ON THEMSELVES. MEN NEED TO CONFER MANHOOD ON THE NEXT GENERATION OF MEN.
WORRY IS ANTI-PRAYER.
JESUS NEVER OFFERED US A COMFORTABLE LIFE. THERE WILL BE CHALLENGE AND PAIN.
YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT OTHER PEOPLE. TROUBLE IS ALWAYS CENTERED IN THE SPIRIT REALM FIRST AND FOREMOST.
MEN MUST CONTINUALLY “GOSPEL” THEMSELVES ACCORDING TO EPHESIANS 6.
THERE ARE NO CHUBBY BREASTPLATES IN THE ARMOR OF GOD. THE ARMOR MAKES US FIT AND ENCOURAGES US TO STAND IN THAT FITNESS.
THE ARMOR SHOULD MAKE US FILL THE WORLD AROUND US WITH PEACE.
THE ARMOR OF GOD IS MOST EFFECTIVE WHEN LINKED WITH A BAND OF BROTHERS.
PRAY THE WORD NOT JUST THE NEED.
Our men had a great day of fellowship together. I was greatly blessed by all the relationship building I saw going on.
In our final sessions I got a few more thoughts to think about.
STRONG MEN ARE SABBATH MEN. ADAM RESTED FOR WORK NOT FROM IT. REST IS FOUND IN JESUS NOT IN “REST”.
GOD LONGS FOR US TO BE IN RHYTHM NOT NECESSARILY IN BALANCE.
GOD HAS CALLED US TO PERSEVERE.
GOD HAS CALLED US TO HUMILITY AND SUBMISSION
GOD HAS CALLED US TO SERVE.
It was a great day of worship, spiritual reminders and challenges, fun, and fellowship.
Notes From the Vicarage 