INFLECTION 35. INFLECTION 57

Birthdays have never effected me much. Mostly they were just numbers in a series. 16 didn’t feel very different from 15 other than the fact the State recognized I was old enough to start driving. Honestly, that didn’t excite me much. 18 was the same as 17 except for the whole registering for the selective service thing. 21 passed me by without even a tip of the hat. I was married and in Bible college. The “BIG 21”. celebrations so many people make of that birthday never even crossed my mind.

I do remember 35, though. It was a tough birthday. I wasn’t prepared for it. I thought it would just pass me by like every other birthday, but it didn’t .

I can only speculate what changed, but when I turned 35 the weight of what I at first called “adulthood” suddenly fell on my shoulders, and that weight was HEAVY. In fact it was crushing.

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By 2002 I had 3 kids ages 13, 12 and 11. I had been married for 15 years. I had owned two homes and been through three careers, finally settling on the work of ministry. It’s not like I was suddenly introduced to adulthood that year. I had been adulting as far as I understood it for over a decade. But honestly….

Maybe, it was that, in 2002, for the first time I felt a sense of permanence. Maybe, it was at 35 that I first understood my course was set and I had passed the point of no return.

Maybe, it was at this point I understood that I was going to follow the call of ministry no matter where it led me.

Maybe, for the first time I was clear on the fact that the calling was not about “professional ministry”, but about a walk of faith with God that would cause me too fulfill an office of the church no matter what my job ended up being.

Maybe, it was in this year that I began to fully realize I was answering destiny’s call.

Maybe that was what felt like a weight.

Maybe it wasn’t the weight of “adulthood” I felt at 35, but the sudden realization I had been caught in the full influence of destiny’s rip tide.

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Maybe….

maybe…

maybe….

There are a lot of maybes as I look back. I am certain that whatever hit me at the age of 35 almost drowned me…. could have drowned me with all that it set in motion….maybe even should have drowned me….BUT GOD.

35 was an inflection point for me.

2002 was not the year of actual change, but as I look back it was the year when all the changes that have played out since became certain. I felt it back then. I just did not understand what it was I was feeling.

I only mention all this because here I am having just passed a birthday…my 57th birthday and I am feeling 35 again…not in a “I am returning to my youthful self” way…but in a “Here I go again” way.

I sense that the tide of destiny is about to take over again. I sense that this time it may be more than just me standing at an inflection point. I sense we not just me are at an outpouring and upsurging all at once of ….BUT GOD.

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THE LONGEST NIGHT

It is definitely winter at the Vicarage now. I am feeding the birds everyday and just keeping ahead of their feeding frenzies. It tells me the last of the edibles in the forests are gone. The chickens are moving the hay I am providing for them, from one end of their enclosure to the other as they have need to keep the coop warm for their feet in the colder temperatures, and I am changing out their water twice a day now to keep it from freezing.

We are into the season of storms. Each day brings its own display of wind or precipitation and the sky is more often rheumy than not.

The day starts at 7 A.M., is gone y 4:30 P.M. and is bordered by several hours of wintry half light on each side. As we head towards the longest night of the year, I have to admit I am feeling affected by the darkness more than ever before.

To cope I am feeling led into still another deeper place of prayer. When not doing people work, I find myself bouncing back and forth between prayer and administrative work in about half hour increments.

I am feeling this necessary to keep my head on straight… and as a final work of preparation before the new year brings what I am sensing it will.

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2024 has been a hard fought battle with many large changes. It began with my mother entering hospice care. Mom passed in April. Shortly after that my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and the summer was given to hospitalizations and treatments. My sister went back to her ministry in the Netherlands and my son and his family bought a condo and moved out. Lots of changes. I think part of the reason for this prayer rhythm is to help me grieve all the change and trouble. There is a piece of me that I think is just entering into the grieving process now. I feel like I have said that before. Maybe I am not just entering the process. Maybe I am just in a new phase, a phase that is going to require a lot more prayer.

BUT … these depths of prayer are not just about grieving the past. It is about preparing for the soon to come move of God. My daughter, Melanie, was telling me about a vivid dream she had the other night, and how she believed it was a word from God about how He was going to bring breakthrough in certain areas of our community. She also believes that we are being called, as a church, to partner with Him in these areas.

It reminded me of a conversation I recently had with another minister about the body of Christ needing to spend enough time in abiding prayer to bring heavenly realities into the earthly realm. I realize this is not just about me personally. God is beginning to call the church into deeper prayer because that is what it is going to take to bring forth the miracles we are going to need in the days ahead. We are heading toward the world’s longest night.In that space of darkness the church is going to need to bring its brightest light.

“Nevertheless, that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever….The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness,a light will shine.” Isa. 9:1,2

SABBATICAL DAY 5: CONFERENCING

This sabbatical feels different from my last. During the last sabbatical my mother was just entering the most intensive part of her medical need. Travel was not really an option. Now Mom is gone. I guess I could go anywhere I want, but I don’t really have any desire to go anywhere.

I know many people think of sabbatical as a vacation. I don’t. I see it as a necessary change of life rhythm for the purpose of clarifying vision. I really need that. I feel more deeply than ever before that I need to see what is coming down the road. More than that I feel like I am commanded to it.

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One thing I did learn about sabbatical from last time was that the rhythm and events of sabbatical are only truly determined by God. I made intricate plans last time and God intervened heavily in my plans to change them. I didn’t get done all that was on my list, but I know now I did get done what I needed to do.

This time my plans are not as detailed, but I feel like I have come closer to matching God’s plans for this sabbatical. This first week of sabbatical was given to prayer and conferences. I attended several prayer services at TWR House of Prayer as they held their annual growth conference. Yesterday I was at Liberty Church in Shrewsbury MA for their L2L conference. Today I was at my own church for our Better Man Conference. I have pages of notes to pray through this next week as I seek vision from them for our church.

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This next week I am spending time in deep prayer, in working around the Vicarage, and in planning administratively for the church: I have budgets to do; missions job descriptions to update; and infrastructure plans to consider; I also think it is time to fill out the paperwork for the next step in my ministry licensing process.

My son and his wife are signing papers this week on a condo so I am beginning a big fall cleaning as they prepare to move at the end of the month. It feels like threads are coming together and I am beginning to see the tapestry, streams are blending in a divine confluence. I certainly am not the only one sensing this. I don’t even understand the bigger parts of it, but I am very clear on the fact that I need to understand my own small part of the stream. I think much depends on it.

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DO YOU FEEL THIS NEXT YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT THAN THE LAST?

THE FOREST GARDEN IN FREE FALL

We are falling quickly into autumn here in northern Massachusetts. The evenings get down into the 40s, but the days are still in the 70s. It’s that time of year when I fight with myself about whether or not to put on the heat at night. So far my frugal self is winning.

This morning I admit, I turned on one of the mobile heaters in the living room just until I didn’t need to wear a blanket in the house.

Today is my Sabbath so I have been trying to be mindful all day about my prayer time and about taking in the beauty of my surroundings.

The gardens are still full of beautiful fall flowers, like this stand of Maximillian sunflowers.

The nasturtiums are in flower. I have been adding the leaves and flowers to our salads these last few weeks.

The Japanese knotweed is absolutely beautiful right now too.

This St. John’s Wort is letting us know he is ready for what is to come.

The white and purple asters have been remarkable this year.

These tiny rose hips are already attracting the wild birds around the area. We are sure to be loaded with cardinals and bluejays this year through the winter. I hope we can get some good footage from Kristine’s camera.

While my daughter is not a fan of the goldenrod I love the brightness it brings to the season.

Today was not a big work in the yard day. I have been sitting out for my prayer sessions, but most of the day I have been in doing paperwork. Last week was yard work week. I got a lot of mint harvested and hung to dry.

I also mowed the whole yard…except the forest path. That I am afraid is looking pretty unkempt just now.

But Kristine got the chicken paddock moved. The chickens love it!

Well, all except for Partly Sunny. She escaped this morning through a hole in the fencing. We found her hiding in the bushes just behind the paddock. She complained when we put her back in the chicken yard, but I just checked on her and she seems resigned to her fate…at least for now. Kristine moved some of the fencing to deal with the hole and I am going layer some field stone around the bottom edges of the paddock to shore it up. All in all we are doing pretty well getting ready for winter.

WHAT DOES YOUR WORLD LOOK LIKE THIS FALL? OR IF YOU ARE IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE WHAT DOES YOUR SPRING LOOK LIKE?